I am a firm believer that we know if someone is attracted to us. Call it intuition or that gut feeling, we have a good idea. We know this from subconsciously reading their non-verbal communication. However what tends to happen is our own insecurities get in the way. Telling ourselves that he or she couldn’t possibly like us because of x, y or z.
Nonverbal communication plays a HUGE part in any interaction but even more so when it comes to romance and dating. If you want to know if that person in your life is attracted to you look out for these three signs.
When we look at another person’s face we don’t just focus on one feature, our eye’s make small maps all over the face. There are three major type of gazing, power, social and intimate. Intimate gazing is where our gaze drops lower, and makes a map between the eyes and the upper chest. This is otherwise known as the suprasternal notch, the visible dip between the neck and the collarbone.
Intimate gazing can be done consciously or subconsciously. If you catch someone intimate gazing you, you would be generally correct that they are at least assessing you as a potential mate. Remember this can be happening completely subconsciously. Men are looking at the levels of estrogen a woman has, so they look at a few things in particular. First they will look for a soft rounded jaw as this is an indicator of health and vitality. Secondly they look for a long neck. Our necks and skin secrete pheromones which can increase sexual attraction. Finally men will also be looking at the healthiness of the hair. If a woman’s hair is healthy she has had regular meals and is likely to be able to procreate. This is why you will see many women flirting by playing with their hair and exposing their neck. All of this sends out pheromones.
Women are looking at men to gauge the level of testosterone. Women look for a square jaw, the ability to grow facial hair and the size of the adam’s apple. This process happens entirely subconsciously even if you have no desire to have children, this is something that is pre-wired in us.
Therefore if you spot someone intimate gazing at you, you can choose whether or not to return this gaze, or keep your gaze high up the face (the power gaze is between the eyes and the upper forehead) to send signals you are not interested. Alternatively you can make your excuses and leave!
Proxemics and Leaning
Another way to assess whether the person you are with likes you, is to assess how far away from you they are. If we like something we want to be as close to it as possible. On your date if your partner is leaning away from you, or angling their body away this is not a good sign. If you lean in and then take a step back – again it is likely that they are overwhelmed or not interested.
When someone is interested in you they will angle their body towards you and lean in to get closer. If you lean in, then they will also tend to lean in too. We tend to mirror those that we are attracted too. This nonverbally sends the message we are on the same page, and similar. Studies have shown we like those who are similar to us more. I love watching first dates in a restaurant or a bar. I can tell whether the date is going well as to how they are angled. If one party leans right in, and the other is leans away then this is not a good sign.
Eyebrows are a great sign of attraction and flirting. Eyebrows are a type of facial punctuator, a way of showing emotion on our face. The eyebrow raise is used in a number of different ways, but in flirting it is used when a person wants to engage with you, and wants to get you to look at their face. This raise is a signal to pay attention. This is a signal of attraction for a couple of reasons. Firstly they want you to pay attention to them, this is a great sign of attraction as if they were not interested in you than this would not matter to them. Secondly they are very interested and curious in what you are saying to them, and this is their way of communicating this to you.
Using this in the right amount makes both parties on the date feel heard and important which is a great way to build on attraction.
There are so many more nonverbal signals to know whether someone is interested in you, check back for more. If you aren’t having much success on the dating scene then please get in touch. We can arrange some sessions on romance body language.